I have been told for several months that I am terminally ill. Which means I have an incurable condition that will lead to death! I was told not to expect to live beyond six months One day I was fine and with one diagnosis my world changed.
I never imagined that I could have anything seriously wrong, because I was to young, I ate right, did not drink, and worked out daily.
I had just graduated college and had a long life ahead of me. In fact I had not even began to live, and the thought of dying never crossed my mind.
I just thought that my lack of energy and the pain I felt in my back were due to the stress I was going through from the recent death of my mother, and working out to much.
I IGNORED the obvious changes in my body and waited to get better. Finally, after I could no longer cope with the pain I went to see the doctor.
A routine doctors visit turned in to multiple test, scans, and biopsies, and then that dreaded word was said, CANCER! Not only was it cancer it was pancreas cancer, you know the cancer that is the hardest to cure and delivers the most pain.
Here I was thinking I was a healthy 21 year old man one day and then found out the next day that was body had turned against me.
I lived right, served the Lord , and was even called into the ministry. I thought this had to be a mistake, there is no way God would call me to the ministry, prepare me for it, and then take my life. I fell into a deep depression that took me a while to work through, and I became angry with God.
Finally, after many days of dwelling in self-pity and blaming God for this disease I realized I could live the remainder of my life miserable, or I could grasp every second of joy that it offered. I decided, with the help of the Lord, to greet each day as if it would be the best I had ever lived. I looked for opportunities to encourage others, I prayed harder then I ever did before, I sought the beauty in God's creation, and I made sure that those close to me knew I loved them. I never went to bed at night with anger, and I never started a day without talking to the Lord.
I chose not to have chemo therapy, or surgeries because I took the advice of my doctor and believed there was nothing else that could be done. I accepted the fact that death was near, and I watched my body change each day. I went from being a healthy young man to being a shell of a person with no hope for a future. The way I reacted to the cancer was the beginning of the end for me.
Depression and anxiety began to set in. The loss of control was taking its toll on my emotional health. Functioning normally was impossible when everything about my life has been tainted by the knowledge that time may be short.
I felt powerless and needed something to help me gain some control over this disease. I tried to be happy, but inside I was grieving so much for myself that I forgot that I serve a God who is in the business of performing miracles! I did not want to give up, but time was running out. I started looking for ways to manage my symptoms and began to open my mind about treatments that could result in an extension of my life.
I did nothing wrong to get this disease, it just happened, but I was wrong in not seeking medical help when the symptoms began, wrong in not getting a second opinion, and wrong in accepting death without a fight. So, I encourage anyone that feels ill, to see a doctor. And, if you are one of the unfortunate ones that is told nothing else can be done don't accept it, your life is not over until you take that last breathe, and you need to fight for your life. "It ain't over till its over."
After much prayer I realized it was up to me to be my own advocate. I had to quit accepting the worse and rely on God for a miracle. It was time to stop focusing just on the cancer and spend more of my time focusing on living. I decide to try some experimental medications. I continued to pray that the Lord would heal me and lead me in the right direction.
I started seeing another doctor who also believed my life was ending, but did support my willingness to fight and sent me to a surgeon who is known for being extraordinary! I felt hope again, my faith was strong, and God was leading. "It ain't over till its over."
I was offered the opportunity to have a procedure done that is usually successful if the cancer is caught in the early stages , but the risk for me was high because I was at stage 4. I had no choice God had sent me a solution. I agreed to the surgery and found peace in my decision.
In the process of the illness I feel in love with my best friend, and we married 3 days before the surgery. God was answering my prayers and giving me the desires of my heart in spite of what satan was trying to do to me. I was already starting to experience the life that I thought I would never have. "It ain't over till its over."
It's now been about 4 weeks since my operation, and I am doing well. I still have a long process to go through, but each day comes with additional hope that the surgery was a success. My beautiful wife and I are enjoying being married and are making plans for our future. It will take some time before we know just how successful the surgery was, but I believe I am experiencing a miracle.
I shared my story in hopes to encourage those of you who feel there is no hope, that hope is within us. To encourage those who are told that nothing can be done to seek another opinion. To encourage those who feel ill to seek medical treatment in order to catch a disease early. To encourage everyone to be their own advocate, we know our bodies and we need to keep seeking help until we find a doctor who will listen. And, above all to encourage you to go to the Lord and believe in His healing power. "It ain't over till its over."
Being told that I was terminally ill changed my life. I was in the valley for a long time, but I am beginning to see the mountain top. Being told that I was going to die caused me to fight for my life and is helping me be a better person. God is turning things around for me, and He can do the same for you. No matter how bad things may appear try and have faith that the Lord loves you and wants the best for you. Grab a hold of Him and hang on tight. Pray for strength, wisdom, and a miracle. Regardless of your circumstances God does want to bless you. If you are in the valley ask the Lord to carry you to your mountain top. Don't give up on yourself and remember, "It ain't over till its over."
GOD BLESS
